📝 fic notes: kintsukuroi
Jul. 27th, 2021 12:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
carboxylso obviously i have a lot to say about this fic lmao.
when i said that this fic is my literal baby, i meant it. i gestated this thing for over six months now and now it's finally out in the open for everyone to see. at one point, i even considered keeping this one for practically myself and no one else. ah but, what fun is it if i don't make a few people cry?
this post will be divided into a few parts so that it doesn't look too incoherent and messy.
this fic was born during 2020 christmas holidays, as a supposed present to my best friend. courtesy of little wonder fest's 23 Days of Wonder challenge, i was to gift a fic to anybody i like on somewhere around the 30th, i think. so, i fixed my mind on whom i wanted to give to and the only person who immediately came to my mind is my real life best friend, soulmate, etc. i asked her on dms, what kind of fic she'd want me to write. she thought about it seriously for a while and replied with something truly uncharacteristic. i knew she was a masochist but this much? i wish i had a screenshot of the exact prompt that she gave me but it went something like this.
"person a falls in love with person b so many times but person b never notices. and he's kind of in denial about his feelings."
i told her i'll write the fuck out of this shit.i was excited to project my own feelings for her through this fic. it's very vague, i know. i took matter into my own hands and immediately conjured up lumark for this sad fucking prompt (because they're never just bRoS to me) and a 5+1 format. i mulled over the prompt for days before finally opening up gdocs to type out the first paragraph of kintsukuroi on the 22nd of december while i was on a bus to chennai.
wtf is radiant lips, miss pluto?
the process went something like this: picking the background color for the document (it went from a weird parrot green to the light mint green that i settled on), foregoing playfair display for the font and picking eb garamond (playfair was too on the face), and then convincing myself that i've had enough of a break through the whole month. for context, i had set a goal for myself that i'd publish at least two fics each month but i had decidedly taken a break during december.
i began writing, wrote a paragraph and gave up. "could jealousy even be considered a form of love?" i thought to myself. and then it hit me. what if i wrote different forms of love, not just purely romantic ones? i pulled out my notes app for the first time in my fic writing career so that i don't forget what i have in mind.
clearly, things didn't go according to plan.
i did stick to some of my original plan, though. random guy renjun, louis the cat, and mutual friend dejun all worked out pretty well, in my opinion. the numbers in the brackets were supposed to be their ages during the events. i wrote this down and it seemed like i had the greatest fucking idea in the entire world. ...until a few days later when i went to revisit it. i realized that i had only planned out yukhei's future and not mark's, although he's the most important character lmao. it felt weird to me that yukhei could go through such big life changes while mark would just stay stagnant just like that (🤐), so i let it marinate in my notes app for a very long time. and for the writing plans i had, i never settled on any recurring dialogue or metaphor usage. the only recurring line in the entire fic was purely used for emphasis' sake: "mark feels love like this for the n'th time." and i only did that because i wrote it during my first draft and never bothered to change it.
yukhei was originally supposed to be a single dad. and i couldn't decide whether to kill off dejun or simply make him the worst person possible. and this was to give lumark a super duper happy ending together. i hadn't really thought of mark's course of life so what kunhang came out to be, was purely coincidental and a spur of the moment thing.
i took feedback from my now ex, erin, and she kept saying that the first two instances were pretty great. meanwhile, i was feeling like shit because i couldn't maintain coherence between the first and second parts (first part was longer than the second). that, and the fact that i simply wasn't able to write that fic for a very long time. it was stuck at the end of part two for a VERY long time (more than two months, i think) and i was getting frustrated at this point. christmas was long gone, and i was still hell bent on gifting this to my friend.
and then at the end of may, i opened up this document at 2 am and began writing the wedding scene and a rough draft of the birthday party. it was like a ghost had possessed me. the wedding scene didn't go through many changes but man, the birthday party did. there were a lot of awkward moments that didn't really convey the emotions that i wanted to - especially the ride back home scene. the first draft's dialogues were too rushed with no time to reflect, especially with kunhang's character, who had originally just accepted everything that mark had dumped on him with no recoil. i fixed this during june (about two weeks later) when i was doing my usual monthly wip rounds in my gdrive, and added more depth to the scene which could've easily just been "oh no, mark cries." i was pretty happy with how it turned out at the end.
the final scene at xiaocas' house was partly written in one day. after finishing up with the birthday party, i immediately ran to bex (ao3 user woojaes), my trusted advisor, to provide me with what could be considered the right course of action for each of the characters. i once again debated killing off dejun, a weird cheating plot, or an untimely divorce. the only thing that was stopping me from writing the divorce was the fact that i had never alluded to the both of them ever being unhappy in their marriage ever. plus, kunhang's just the sweetest boy in the entire universe. i also had to consider whether yukhei ever knew about mark's feelings towards him or not - and this was the biggest decision i had to make in regards to the final scene.
the logical conclusion that anyone i dared to share this wip told me was that they don't end up together, and that kunhang deserves better, which made sense. the last scene at the porch was directly inspired from my best friend's own idea about the confession being quietly done, while mark's being somewhat introspective and emo at age 41. i wrote half of the tea at porch scene during mid-june and wrote the rest last week, in one go. i had bex texting me and i was updating her simultaneously like "MARK'S GONNA DO THE BIG BOY THING AAA" T__T
the weird ass math metaphors was another spur of the moment thing and i had it beautifully working in my head but it sounded so stupid when written down lmao. bex even told me that it felt like reading an academic paper. i ultimately kept it because i hoped that someone who read it would make sense of it and vibe with me. the polaroid thing was ALSO another impulsive thing that came to me randomly (are we surprised at this point?) and to me, it only made sense if yukhei also shed some tears in the fic.
the +1 scene of mark going back to his house was supposed to be a continuation of the previous scene at yukhei's house but i left it up to interpretation. i've eaten a shit ton of pulao in my lifetime but i still had to look up some stuff so that i don't look like a fool. oh, and kunhang has light pink hair in the last scene.
this fic has some of my best featured writing yet, and to think of it, i really put in some thoughts on what some lines need to convey and how they might get across. here are some of my favorites.
the reason why this is one of my favorites is because i absolutely LOVE jacket taking off shenanigans! it's so weirdly intimate and the fact that mark lingers in this moment just holding onto the jacket and basking in what he's feeling. just yes.
this one's a callback to a line in the first scene: "nonetheless, mark flashes a genuine and clenched smile and he’s worried that yukhei is smart enough to know what his every smile means."
welp, personal experience. what can i say.
mark repeatedly thinks that yukhei is still childlike after this line. it's a nice scene in my head, mark watching the love of his life chasing his son like a kid himself, around the house while he's simply drinking a beer and mulling over what could've been. i like the conversation that follows this as well. kunhang breaching the subject of yukhei as a dad and trying his best not to sound bitter about mark's fondness for him. and then the whole cut off adoption conversation ... phew.
OH, i love this one a lot. this whole line feels so rushed and gasping for breath like time was oxygen. aging fingers is just another painful reminder to the readers that a lot of time is passing by, and mark's still stuck and unwilling to move on.
this dialogue that kunhang says. he corrects himself midway from 'we' to 'you'. he's aware that he's still not the one in mark's heart. but you can tell he's trying his best to picture the both of them together, and that he desperately wants mark to use him to forget about his past with yukhei.
reds of the traffic light = stop. the tears blur away his vision so he thinks that he can never be able to stop loving yukhei.
man... kunhang's just too good for this world. i like that the line that finally breaks mark is "it's stupid, isn't it? what love makes you do?" because mark knows exactly how that feels like. he's really thrown away most of his life yearning for yukhei, someone who wouldn't even look at him that way and now kunhang's on the same boat as him.
this was lowkey foreshadowing to the whole math tangent that the fic went into at the end. this line is said right after mark recalls how yukhei had introduced kunhang and him to liwei. and at this point, mark learns to love liwei because of yukhei.
kid vs cat. mark is so deluded at this point that he even tries making yukhei jealous with the prospect of a cat at his big age. yukhei laughs like he knows how stupid his friend has become and that there's no point in saving him.
another instance of absurdism. mark feels so small compared to yukhei and dejun and the life they've created for themselves. insecurities after insecurities. it's like waiting for someone to catch up to you only to turn back and see that they've already reached the finish line.
i suppose it is possible to love someone for twenty years, yukhei. trust me, i would've too if the people i loved (love?) stuck around in my life like hot glue. fortunately for me, i lost touch with the one person i loved and so she's kind of faded away in my memory. i still have some people i incessantly love in my life right now, but i'm not so sure if i romantically love them or what they make me feel when i think about them. i won't name them but, you get the hint. yukhei's also sorry for pushing mark to settle down with his life when he was feeling like this his whole life, but i'm glad that he didn't feel completely responsible, so much so, that he felt like he had to do something about it.
mark unlearns the only way he's felt love this whole time and learns to feel love for kunhang in a different manner, because he thinks that he at least owes him that much. the future that he holds in his hands is kunhang and the leap of faith that he takes is the big three words and a kiss :')
i talked togreatesthits about this fic in around january, if i remember correctly. she was thrilled and that was the only reason i even sent her the link to kintsukuroi after it was published. i was initially shy to voluntarily ask her to read it and hoped that she'd just find the fic post wallowing on her timeline or something. but i caved and sent her a link anyway. what i woke up to in the morning was nothing less than spectacular. she's just the best person in the world, i think.
literally took me fifty minutes for me to process the length of that comment and the little things that she added to her favorite scenes. i was smiling like my teeth were gonna fall off if i wasn't. the last time she left a long ass comment was on nectar and i had to physically hold myself from flying to nevada and giving her a big hug. and this one made me want to give her my firstborn.
anyways, let me get into yesi's little questions and thoughts in the comment :D
the fact that the entire 99 line weren't even going to make it here in the first place 😷 BUT I'M GLAD IT WORKED OUT LIKE THIS! also kintsukuroi was a title that i came up with literally after one hour of playlist hunting. i remembered droeloe's kintsugi and thought about it for a while before deciding that it fits the overall theme.
funny you mentioned the same line as a lot of others. it's so funny to me that i didn't even think much of the line where yukhei pulls mark closer to him while they hug when i wrote it. i didn't even change it through the second draft and literally forgot its existence until shae (ao3 user pcwhynot) pointed it out to me and asked me whether yukhei also likes mark. i was like ??? tf 😭
the domesticity was absolutely my favorite part to write because i didn't have to use a lot of complicated sentences to further the plot. it's how mark tells yukhei to leave the leftovers in the fridge and yukhei waving him off while watching tv like a proper husband T__T and YES, LOUIS MAIN CHARACTER ERA. i know mark is leon biased in real life, but i DO NOT CARE! mark is cat mom and i love that for him. in mark's head, louis is their first baby and nothing or no one can ever compare.
yukhei and dejun are doing absolutely great in real life as bella's parents (see: here) and i'm absolutely enamored by their parenting dynamic ALL THE TIME. reminding myself that the wayv family photobook is coming out in a few days has me in shambles. time and time again, they've both demonstrated that yukhei's the carefree parent and dejun's the one that has authority. BUT RECENTLY, dejun has become the mom that always tells you to "go talk to your dad" if you want something lmao. idk i love them so much.
i already talked about this line in the previous section but yes, i iterated twice about how mark has the pressure to make a decision that will only keep hurting him or hurt the both of them together. and eventually, he picks the latter, knowing the consequences. what he doesn't expect is for kunhang to react like that. and i've experienced firsthand that silent disappointment is ALWAYS worse than outright anger.
dejun is the perfect poor meow meow character in this whole fic. at least, yukhei is blissfully unaware of mark's feelings for him, mark knows his feelings and struggles with coping with the uncertainty of it all, while kunhang is still holding onto his future partner despite his nonsensical love for their friend who is a married man. dejun, however, is a special case because he really feels like he's living a life that mark could also have if only he tried. he genuinely wants to help mark live a better life, and feels guilty that he's living a fulfilling life while mark is still struggling to get his feet on the ground. he doesn't understand why mark simply refuses to try to have a child or be in a relationship so far into his life, and it's so puzzling to him, when the reason is personified in his own husband. another thing that i found interesting in the dialogue is how dejun always refers to the both of them collectively whenever he says that he wants to help mark. again with constants and variables tangent of the fic :D
I WANT TO KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE MATH METAPHORS PLEEEEEASE !!!
mark is broken crockery, and his golden lacquer only comes to him during the final two scenes. everything else is simply slow buildup to piecing his broken self together. he's really gone through so much that he forgets that he too has love right under his nose. he searches in the wrong place but finds it right at his home. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!
just looked up the lyrics to this song, and can i just say that you're a genius? the lyrics fit so perfectly???
this is SO SO SO perfect, pleeeease T__T
you're always so good at cinching the right parts of the fic and i love how you summed up the last parts of the fic with the course of mark lee loving an unattainable lucas and then kunhang loving an unattainable mark lee T__T
thank you, thank you so much for reading it and writing such a long review on what you liked and what you thought of each part :( i owe you one fr! will be waiting for your band fic that will hopefully drop tomorrow, i'm getting my lightstick ready as i speak!
remembered a quote from himym at this time that resonates with the theme of this fic:
if you really made through all of this and you loved this fic in any shape or form, thank you from the bottom of my heart! this one is really personal to me and the fact that i put a lot of thought into each of the aspect that makes this fic puts this above any project that i've undertaken so far T__T there are a few parts that i felt that could've been done better since they lacked clarity but nonetheless, i hope to improve by the time i write something as stupid and loveable as this again. thank you!
when i said that this fic is my literal baby, i meant it. i gestated this thing for over six months now and now it's finally out in the open for everyone to see. at one point, i even considered keeping this one for practically myself and no one else. ah but, what fun is it if i don't make a few people cry?
this post will be divided into a few parts so that it doesn't look too incoherent and messy.
DIRECTORY:
✶ inception
✶ writing process
✶ a few good lines
✶ a solemn response to yesi's comment
✶ final thoughts
✶ inception
✶ writing process
✶ a few good lines
✶ a solemn response to yesi's comment
✶ final thoughts
inception ✶
this fic was born during 2020 christmas holidays, as a supposed present to my best friend. courtesy of little wonder fest's 23 Days of Wonder challenge, i was to gift a fic to anybody i like on somewhere around the 30th, i think. so, i fixed my mind on whom i wanted to give to and the only person who immediately came to my mind is my real life best friend, soulmate, etc. i asked her on dms, what kind of fic she'd want me to write. she thought about it seriously for a while and replied with something truly uncharacteristic. i knew she was a masochist but this much? i wish i had a screenshot of the exact prompt that she gave me but it went something like this.
"person a falls in love with person b so many times but person b never notices. and he's kind of in denial about his feelings."
i told her i'll write the fuck out of this shit.
wtf is radiant lips, miss pluto?
the process went something like this: picking the background color for the document (it went from a weird parrot green to the light mint green that i settled on), foregoing playfair display for the font and picking eb garamond (playfair was too on the face), and then convincing myself that i've had enough of a break through the whole month. for context, i had set a goal for myself that i'd publish at least two fics each month but i had decidedly taken a break during december.
writing process ✶
i began writing, wrote a paragraph and gave up. "could jealousy even be considered a form of love?" i thought to myself. and then it hit me. what if i wrote different forms of love, not just purely romantic ones? i pulled out my notes app for the first time in my fic writing career so that i don't forget what i have in mind.
clearly, things didn't go according to plan.
i did stick to some of my original plan, though. random guy renjun, louis the cat, and mutual friend dejun all worked out pretty well, in my opinion. the numbers in the brackets were supposed to be their ages during the events. i wrote this down and it seemed like i had the greatest fucking idea in the entire world. ...until a few days later when i went to revisit it. i realized that i had only planned out yukhei's future and not mark's, although he's the most important character lmao. it felt weird to me that yukhei could go through such big life changes while mark would just stay stagnant just like that (🤐), so i let it marinate in my notes app for a very long time. and for the writing plans i had, i never settled on any recurring dialogue or metaphor usage. the only recurring line in the entire fic was purely used for emphasis' sake: "mark feels love like this for the n'th time." and i only did that because i wrote it during my first draft and never bothered to change it.
yukhei was originally supposed to be a single dad. and i couldn't decide whether to kill off dejun or simply make him the worst person possible. and this was to give lumark a super duper happy ending together. i hadn't really thought of mark's course of life so what kunhang came out to be, was purely coincidental and a spur of the moment thing.
i took feedback from my now ex, erin, and she kept saying that the first two instances were pretty great. meanwhile, i was feeling like shit because i couldn't maintain coherence between the first and second parts (first part was longer than the second). that, and the fact that i simply wasn't able to write that fic for a very long time. it was stuck at the end of part two for a VERY long time (more than two months, i think) and i was getting frustrated at this point. christmas was long gone, and i was still hell bent on gifting this to my friend.
and then at the end of may, i opened up this document at 2 am and began writing the wedding scene and a rough draft of the birthday party. it was like a ghost had possessed me. the wedding scene didn't go through many changes but man, the birthday party did. there were a lot of awkward moments that didn't really convey the emotions that i wanted to - especially the ride back home scene. the first draft's dialogues were too rushed with no time to reflect, especially with kunhang's character, who had originally just accepted everything that mark had dumped on him with no recoil. i fixed this during june (about two weeks later) when i was doing my usual monthly wip rounds in my gdrive, and added more depth to the scene which could've easily just been "oh no, mark cries." i was pretty happy with how it turned out at the end.
the final scene at xiaocas' house was partly written in one day. after finishing up with the birthday party, i immediately ran to bex (ao3 user woojaes), my trusted advisor, to provide me with what could be considered the right course of action for each of the characters. i once again debated killing off dejun, a weird cheating plot, or an untimely divorce. the only thing that was stopping me from writing the divorce was the fact that i had never alluded to the both of them ever being unhappy in their marriage ever. plus, kunhang's just the sweetest boy in the entire universe. i also had to consider whether yukhei ever knew about mark's feelings towards him or not - and this was the biggest decision i had to make in regards to the final scene.
the logical conclusion that anyone i dared to share this wip told me was that they don't end up together, and that kunhang deserves better, which made sense. the last scene at the porch was directly inspired from my best friend's own idea about the confession being quietly done, while mark's being somewhat introspective and emo at age 41. i wrote half of the tea at porch scene during mid-june and wrote the rest last week, in one go. i had bex texting me and i was updating her simultaneously like "MARK'S GONNA DO THE BIG BOY THING AAA" T__T
the weird ass math metaphors was another spur of the moment thing and i had it beautifully working in my head but it sounded so stupid when written down lmao. bex even told me that it felt like reading an academic paper. i ultimately kept it because i hoped that someone who read it would make sense of it and vibe with me. the polaroid thing was ALSO another impulsive thing that came to me randomly (are we surprised at this point?) and to me, it only made sense if yukhei also shed some tears in the fic.
the +1 scene of mark going back to his house was supposed to be a continuation of the previous scene at yukhei's house but i left it up to interpretation. i've eaten a shit ton of pulao in my lifetime but i still had to look up some stuff so that i don't look like a fool. oh, and kunhang has light pink hair in the last scene.
a few good lines ✶
this fic has some of my best featured writing yet, and to think of it, i really put in some thoughts on what some lines need to convey and how they might get across. here are some of my favorites.
it’s only six in the evening and the sun has already given off all the colors that it could to paint the evening sky in a mellow wash of pinks and yellows and with the open balcony, yukhei glows like a crackling ember, full of love and wonder. yukhei stands in front of him, waiting for mark to grab the lapels of his leather jacket to tug it off but mark lingers — lingers in the scent of comfort, and he wishes he could call it his. he slowly clasps his fingers around the lapels and tugs it off of yukhei’s broad shoulders.
the reason why this is one of my favorites is because i absolutely LOVE jacket taking off shenanigans! it's so weirdly intimate and the fact that mark lingers in this moment just holding onto the jacket and basking in what he's feeling. just yes.
everyone turns to look at dejun, now arm in arm with his mother—wearing a simple embellished tuxedo, and a delightful smile on his face. mark’s been in love for too long to understand what that kind of smile is, and somewhere in the corner of his heart, he hopes that yukhei is finally smart enough to know what it means too.
this one's a callback to a line in the first scene: "nonetheless, mark flashes a genuine and clenched smile and he’s worried that yukhei is smart enough to know what his every smile means."
unless, of course, the only thing he knows doing best is loving his best friend to hell and back.
welp, personal experience. what can i say.
despite all of dejun’s efforts, yukhei is the one liwei associates with fun, recklessness, and everything that comes with childhood.
yukhei is still a child at heart, and mark has that fact memorized by now. he watches him chase liwei around the house with a horse mask on, as he lazily sips on a bottle of cheap beer in his hand, carrying a smile. liwei waddles around the living room in his squeaky slippers, hands waving around haphazardly as his laughter fills the room. mark doesn’t realize he’s staring until kunhang taps him on the shoulder.
yukhei is still a child at heart, and mark has that fact memorized by now. he watches him chase liwei around the house with a horse mask on, as he lazily sips on a bottle of cheap beer in his hand, carrying a smile. liwei waddles around the living room in his squeaky slippers, hands waving around haphazardly as his laughter fills the room. mark doesn’t realize he’s staring until kunhang taps him on the shoulder.
mark repeatedly thinks that yukhei is still childlike after this line. it's a nice scene in my head, mark watching the love of his life chasing his son like a kid himself, around the house while he's simply drinking a beer and mulling over what could've been. i like the conversation that follows this as well. kunhang breaching the subject of yukhei as a dad and trying his best not to sound bitter about mark's fondness for him. and then the whole cut off adoption conversation ... phew.
love isn’t a straight line, and mark becomes aware of it. it’s a cycle, and only what comes in eventually goes out. yukhei had promised him a life full of unrequited longing, a future that he’ll never quite grasp in his aging fingers. would he be cruel enough to do the same to kunhang?
OH, i love this one a lot. this whole line feels so rushed and gasping for breath like time was oxygen. aging fingers is just another painful reminder to the readers that a lot of time is passing by, and mark's still stuck and unwilling to move on.
“i want you to be happy and i want you to at least try. someway, somehow. that chapter of your life… it’s probably over, mark. think about how we’ve—you’ve come so far. it’s—”
this dialogue that kunhang says. he corrects himself midway from 'we' to 'you'. he's aware that he's still not the one in mark's heart. but you can tell he's trying his best to picture the both of them together, and that he desperately wants mark to use him to forget about his past with yukhei.
"... i’m just here, sitting around moping like a fucking teenager instead of moving the fuck on. i’m… really fucking sorry,” tears blur his vision, the reds of the traffic lights seem so far away in his dreams. when will he ever be able to stop?
reds of the traffic light = stop. the tears blur away his vision so he thinks that he can never be able to stop loving yukhei.
“no, mark. i know what you’re thinking. i know that you’re sorry, i know. but... it’s so stupid, isn’t it? what love makes you do?” mark finally lets himself go into the confines of his palms, spilling over what he’s guarded year after year like an unrelenting flame on a candle. kunhang rubs mark’s back and carefully threads his fingers into his hair, rubbing at his temple. he cradles mark’s tear-ridden face now in his hands, guiding him onto his shoulder.
man... kunhang's just too good for this world. i like that the line that finally breaks mark is "it's stupid, isn't it? what love makes you do?" because mark knows exactly how that feels like. he's really thrown away most of his life yearning for yukhei, someone who wouldn't even look at him that way and now kunhang's on the same boat as him.
naturally, he loves all of yukhei as if it were his own.
this was lowkey foreshadowing to the whole math tangent that the fic went into at the end. this line is said right after mark recalls how yukhei had introduced kunhang and him to liwei. and at this point, mark learns to love liwei because of yukhei.
mark figures it would be a good time to pull out his strongest reasoning at the earliest, hoping that it would be enough to make yukhei flinch. but, it’s just a cat. a cat is not a baby. a cat is not commitment to a relationship. a cat is mark’s weak attempt at firing off his last weapon to see yukhei shift in his seat in discomfort. however, he observes nothing. instead, yukhei laughs, pitiful, and dejun stares at him bewilderedly.
kid vs cat. mark is so deluded at this point that he even tries making yukhei jealous with the prospect of a cat at his big age. yukhei laughs like he knows how stupid his friend has become and that there's no point in saving him.
"... what’s happening, mark?”
what was happening?
the only thing that mark knows for sure that is happening is that yukhei is married while he is not. dejun is married while kunhang is not. yukhei and dejun are raising an actual kid as parents while kunhang and him are raising a cat like two toddlers playing house.
what was happening?
the only thing that mark knows for sure that is happening is that yukhei is married while he is not. dejun is married while kunhang is not. yukhei and dejun are raising an actual kid as parents while kunhang and him are raising a cat like two toddlers playing house.
another instance of absurdism. mark feels so small compared to yukhei and dejun and the life they've created for themselves. insecurities after insecurities. it's like waiting for someone to catch up to you only to turn back and see that they've already reached the finish line.
“is that… is that even possible? to love someone for what, twenty years?” mark chuckles.
“i suppose that’s the case when you fall in love with a best friend who wants to stick around forever.” he replies. a small smile creeps up yukhei’s lips and mark mirrors him by sneaking a grin back.
“i suppose that’s the case when you fall in love with a best friend who wants to stick around forever.” he replies. a small smile creeps up yukhei’s lips and mark mirrors him by sneaking a grin back.
i suppose it is possible to love someone for twenty years, yukhei. trust me, i would've too if the people i loved (love?) stuck around in my life like hot glue. fortunately for me, i lost touch with the one person i loved and so she's kind of faded away in my memory. i still have some people i incessantly love in my life right now, but i'm not so sure if i romantically love them or what they make me feel when i think about them. i won't name them but, you get the hint. yukhei's also sorry for pushing mark to settle down with his life when he was feeling like this his whole life, but i'm glad that he didn't feel completely responsible, so much so, that he felt like he had to do something about it.
mark learns to feel love like this. it’s freeing, it’s a feeling that he never wants to stop clawing at his heart. it’s uncontrollable, unpredictable, and he’s lucky to find this candle burning even through what seemed to be a perpetual hailstorm. mark holds his future in the soft grip of his hands, and finally, finally, takes a leap of faith.
mark unlearns the only way he's felt love this whole time and learns to feel love for kunhang in a different manner, because he thinks that he at least owes him that much. the future that he holds in his hands is kunhang and the leap of faith that he takes is the big three words and a kiss :')
a solemn response to yesi's comment ✶
i talked to
greatesthits about this fic in around january, if i remember correctly. she was thrilled and that was the only reason i even sent her the link to kintsukuroi after it was published. i was initially shy to voluntarily ask her to read it and hoped that she'd just find the fic post wallowing on her timeline or something. but i caved and sent her a link anyway. what i woke up to in the morning was nothing less than spectacular. she's just the best person in the world, i think.I’M HERE! i still haven’t read the other fics you’ve posted but i bumped this one to the top of the list momentarily T__T once again, i’m going to be reading and commenting as i go. firstly, i love this title so much?! this is liteally one of my favorite words and meanings ever. AND THEN THE PAIRINGS TAGGED, head in hands… 99z pairings have my entire heart, you already know that. i am ready for heartbreak and pain.
i’m two lines in and already SCREAMING. and then this:
the feeling, the pining, the comparison of lucas being mercury himself that follows. i am left breathless. and then this:
and lucas describing his date to mark not knowing that mark saw it all?! WTF?! this is legit pain. and then lucas saying much more than mark asked for…. this is literally already killing me, i felt my chest ache at i feel this is destined, you know? AND THE … LUCAS PULLING HIM CLOSER DURING THE HUG, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SICK (in the best way! i’m having a great time!)
renjun and mark adopting louis for lucas!!! louis is always such a character, what a great cat. BUT MARK TAKING THE ROLE OF THE OTHER CAT PARENT…. Head in hands, the domesticity of it all (sorry renjun) i think that this is precious. but then lucas coming in and idk something about him saying the cat we adopted even though it isn’t what lucas means… and mark coaxing louis out and… was that lucas apologizing to louis while louis was still in mark’s arms?! if it is, i love it. and then the mark feels like he can get used to it... it’s absolutely perfect, oh god.
the grand appearance of xiao dejun, here to help lucas… i love xiaocas with all my heart and the very lovely way that their relationship seemed to bloom here is gorgeous (old college friends to lovers?!) but GOD, MARK LEE! but seriously, xiaocas… getting married… i could cry.
this is too good. this is just… the way that this made me stop and take a breath. and not mark thinking he was about to have his taylor swift speak now moment… but instead just you got this. this is actually killing me.
WONG KUNHANG?! ok let me backtrack. i think that it is very sweet and cute that dejun and lucas adopted and have a cute kid and they sound like the most perfect family, and i love that so much. i’m so in love with the idea of dejun and lucas as parents because they would just be.. So Good in different ways. anyways, wong kunhang?!
THIS?! HELP i had the same reaction as mark, oh god. but wait that panic that mark feels is like so… real.
WAITTTTT THE NEXT PARAGRAPH ENTIRELY KILLS ME
mark lee… you wouldn’t even dare (he does, doesn’t he?!) this is such a serious conversation to have at a toddler’s birthday party and the image of kunhang looking at mark with a pleading stare is hurting me. mark wanting to give it to kunhang but lucas… it’s killing me. kunhang quite literally holding onto mark, desperate. AND HIS QUESTION TO MARK AFTER THEY LEAVE…
THIS IS SICK (in a good way! i’m still having a great time!) but kunhang really has a point. mark has been here, in the same position, for years and kunhang… it really must hurt him and he’s not even mad at mark. he just wants mark to try? i literally have so many thoughts and cannot find the words to express them all. but mark starting to CRY and going into a spiral of sorts. this is actually painful because kunhang is just such a good man? the i’ve loved you recklessly enough that i want to wait for you is so much and oh my god. i need to scream.
PLEASEEEEE. mark describing how it feels to be around lucas now… and he and kunhang got another cat T___T man this is just…
the dynamic between xiaocas and mark is so.. Interesting, after so many years. i like it. mark does seem like that friend/uncle that just… is not getting it together but it’s difficult to confront him about it, and xiaocas do seem to hesitate. i love that you wrote maybe, yukhei is wondering how long mark can put his naive college kid act up before he gets his shit together. hell, he’s forty one now and he should know better than raising a fucking cat with his supposed long-term life partner by now, right? because it’s SO true. and i think that dejun being the one to actually say that they’re worried for him feels so right, in the way that… of course it would be dejun (but not in a bad way) and the almost insistent way dejun continues with are there any problems with getting married? does kunhang not want kids anymore? we can help you guys, trust me. feels so right because dejun would be seemingly oblivious to the fact that mark is in love with his husband and that being the reason why??? it’s such a key role in stories like these and dejun fits it perfectly, but not in a bad way? and the conversation that lucas and mark have after dejun leaves is so uhhh #relateable even though i’m half the age they are in the fic.
i also have a lot of thoughts about mark comparing lucas to being a constant and then thinking about his relationship with kunhang… WAIT, this next part!!!
i’m sorry for putting the entire dialogue but this is just… perfect. it gives me everything i need. it’s all coming to a resolution, and lucas even apologizes but he doesn’t need to!!! and this is like… all mark needed? THE 17 YEAR OLD POLAROID? GODDDD you’re killing me here…
head in hands!!!
and the last one… mark finds love like this on his own — i love this so much. THIS ENDING IS SO BEAUTIFUL, i could cry and scream. i cannot even begin to put my thoughts into anything that would make sense. thank you for writing such a beautiful piece of art. it made my heart ache in the best way possible. kintsukuroi is a very fitting title. when you take all of mark’s experiences of simply feeling love and put them together, it changes to him finding love and coming together into something that will be beautiful after enduring so much before. it’s so perfect and you’re a genius.
a song that i listened to a few times while reading was “right where you left me” by taylor swift (of course) and i think that it kinda fits the story, if you squint a little. they were never in a real relationship but like mark is stuck in the same spot of loving lucas for years, just watching lucas build his life, and even though mark knows lucas is happy, it still seemed that mark was hoping for something, because like a cat is mark’s weak attempt at firing off his last weapon to see yukhei shift in his seat in discomfort. however, he observes nothing. up until the very end of that night. IDK MAYBE I AM THINKING TOO MUCH, plz let me know <3
mark being the person unwilling? unable to move on is just so heartwrenching to imagine and that fact that even when he finds a real relationship with kunhang, he’s still holding on to feelings for lucas and kunhang KNOWS marks real feelings but stays with mark for years, waiting for the moment mark is able to let go — the course of mark lee loving an unattainable lucas and then kunhang loving an unattainable mark lee, the and he’s lucky to find this candle burning even through what seemed to be a perpetual hailstorm. of it all. it’s literally insane how much i love this, and you.. You did SO WELL.
did i say anything real, valuable, or comprehensible in this comment? probably not. i think all i did was yell over text T__T but to wrap it up: thank you for writing something so beautiful. i’m literally blown away by the way you are able to write characters, environments, and emotions in a way that makes me ache. you write this kind of fic so nicely and i hope that i can read much more of this in the future from you.
PS: i hope that the formatting of this comment didn’t end up being a mess because i had to take stuff out to fit the character length, WTF?!
i’m two lines in and already SCREAMING. and then this:
mark feels love because his hands are itching, dying to know what it would feel like to hold yukhei’s hands
the feeling, the pining, the comparison of lucas being mercury himself that follows. i am left breathless. and then this:
... looks at him as if he was venus. mercury and venus, what a heavenly combination…
and lucas describing his date to mark not knowing that mark saw it all?! WTF?! this is legit pain. and then lucas saying much more than mark asked for…. this is literally already killing me, i felt my chest ache at i feel this is destined, you know? AND THE … LUCAS PULLING HIM CLOSER DURING THE HUG, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SICK (in the best way! i’m having a great time!)
renjun and mark adopting louis for lucas!!! louis is always such a character, what a great cat. BUT MARK TAKING THE ROLE OF THE OTHER CAT PARENT…. Head in hands, the domesticity of it all (sorry renjun) i think that this is precious. but then lucas coming in and idk something about him saying the cat we adopted even though it isn’t what lucas means… and mark coaxing louis out and… was that lucas apologizing to louis while louis was still in mark’s arms?! if it is, i love it. and then the mark feels like he can get used to it... it’s absolutely perfect, oh god.
the grand appearance of xiao dejun, here to help lucas… i love xiaocas with all my heart and the very lovely way that their relationship seemed to bloom here is gorgeous (old college friends to lovers?!) but GOD, MARK LEE! but seriously, xiaocas… getting married… i could cry.
mark’s been in love for too long to understand what that kind of smile is, and somewhere in the corner of his heart, he hopes that yukhei is finally smart enough to know what it means too.
this is too good. this is just… the way that this made me stop and take a breath. and not mark thinking he was about to have his taylor swift speak now moment… but instead just you got this. this is actually killing me.
WONG KUNHANG?! ok let me backtrack. i think that it is very sweet and cute that dejun and lucas adopted and have a cute kid and they sound like the most perfect family, and i love that so much. i’m so in love with the idea of dejun and lucas as parents because they would just be.. So Good in different ways. anyways, wong kunhang?!
“you know… mark, i was talking to dejun in the kitchen earlier and he was telling me about the procedure for adoption”
THIS?! HELP i had the same reaction as mark, oh god. but wait that panic that mark feels is like so… real.
WAITTTTT THE NEXT PARAGRAPH ENTIRELY KILLS ME
mark wonders if kunhang ever figured everything out about him. he wonders if kunhang could ever be perpetually in love with someone — someone who probably looks at you like a shapeshifting cloud on a picnic day, never permanent but at least dynamic. love isn’t a straight line, and mark becomes aware of it. it’s a cycle, and only what comes in eventually goes out. yukhei had promised him a life full of unrequited longing, a future that he’ll never quite grasp in his aging fingers. would he be cruel enough to do the same to kunhang?
mark lee… you wouldn’t even dare (he does, doesn’t he?!) this is such a serious conversation to have at a toddler’s birthday party and the image of kunhang looking at mark with a pleading stare is hurting me. mark wanting to give it to kunhang but lucas… it’s killing me. kunhang quite literally holding onto mark, desperate. AND HIS QUESTION TO MARK AFTER THEY LEAVE…
why do you like ruining your chances at real happiness, mark?
THIS IS SICK (in a good way! i’m still having a great time!) but kunhang really has a point. mark has been here, in the same position, for years and kunhang… it really must hurt him and he’s not even mad at mark. he just wants mark to try? i literally have so many thoughts and cannot find the words to express them all. but mark starting to CRY and going into a spiral of sorts. this is actually painful because kunhang is just such a good man? the i’ve loved you recklessly enough that i want to wait for you is so much and oh my god. i need to scream.
PLEASEEEEE. mark describing how it feels to be around lucas now… and he and kunhang got another cat T___T man this is just…
the dynamic between xiaocas and mark is so.. Interesting, after so many years. i like it. mark does seem like that friend/uncle that just… is not getting it together but it’s difficult to confront him about it, and xiaocas do seem to hesitate. i love that you wrote maybe, yukhei is wondering how long mark can put his naive college kid act up before he gets his shit together. hell, he’s forty one now and he should know better than raising a fucking cat with his supposed long-term life partner by now, right? because it’s SO true. and i think that dejun being the one to actually say that they’re worried for him feels so right, in the way that… of course it would be dejun (but not in a bad way) and the almost insistent way dejun continues with are there any problems with getting married? does kunhang not want kids anymore? we can help you guys, trust me. feels so right because dejun would be seemingly oblivious to the fact that mark is in love with his husband and that being the reason why??? it’s such a key role in stories like these and dejun fits it perfectly, but not in a bad way? and the conversation that lucas and mark have after dejun leaves is so uhhh #relateable even though i’m half the age they are in the fic.
i also have a lot of thoughts about mark comparing lucas to being a constant and then thinking about his relationship with kunhang… WAIT, this next part!!!
“did you know that i’ve loved you for so long now?”
“oh...why didn’t you—”
“unlucky, that’s all.”
“for how long?”
“ever since i’ve known you, i think. never stopped, not once.”
“even now?”
“i don’t know.”
“oh...why didn’t you—”
“unlucky, that’s all.”
“for how long?”
“ever since i’ve known you, i think. never stopped, not once.”
“even now?”
“i don’t know.”
i’m sorry for putting the entire dialogue but this is just… perfect. it gives me everything i need. it’s all coming to a resolution, and lucas even apologizes but he doesn’t need to!!! and this is like… all mark needed? THE 17 YEAR OLD POLAROID? GODDDD you’re killing me here…
“find some closure and go back home to someone who loves me more than i do myself.”
“i love you, mark. more than you know.”
mark knows. mark knows, and he’ll cherish that forever.
“i love you, mark. more than you know.”
mark knows. mark knows, and he’ll cherish that forever.
head in hands!!!
and the last one… mark finds love like this on his own — i love this so much. THIS ENDING IS SO BEAUTIFUL, i could cry and scream. i cannot even begin to put my thoughts into anything that would make sense. thank you for writing such a beautiful piece of art. it made my heart ache in the best way possible. kintsukuroi is a very fitting title. when you take all of mark’s experiences of simply feeling love and put them together, it changes to him finding love and coming together into something that will be beautiful after enduring so much before. it’s so perfect and you’re a genius.
a song that i listened to a few times while reading was “right where you left me” by taylor swift (of course) and i think that it kinda fits the story, if you squint a little. they were never in a real relationship but like mark is stuck in the same spot of loving lucas for years, just watching lucas build his life, and even though mark knows lucas is happy, it still seemed that mark was hoping for something, because like a cat is mark’s weak attempt at firing off his last weapon to see yukhei shift in his seat in discomfort. however, he observes nothing. up until the very end of that night. IDK MAYBE I AM THINKING TOO MUCH, plz let me know <3
mark being the person unwilling? unable to move on is just so heartwrenching to imagine and that fact that even when he finds a real relationship with kunhang, he’s still holding on to feelings for lucas and kunhang KNOWS marks real feelings but stays with mark for years, waiting for the moment mark is able to let go — the course of mark lee loving an unattainable lucas and then kunhang loving an unattainable mark lee, the and he’s lucky to find this candle burning even through what seemed to be a perpetual hailstorm. of it all. it’s literally insane how much i love this, and you.. You did SO WELL.
did i say anything real, valuable, or comprehensible in this comment? probably not. i think all i did was yell over text T__T but to wrap it up: thank you for writing something so beautiful. i’m literally blown away by the way you are able to write characters, environments, and emotions in a way that makes me ache. you write this kind of fic so nicely and i hope that i can read much more of this in the future from you.
PS: i hope that the formatting of this comment didn’t end up being a mess because i had to take stuff out to fit the character length, WTF?!
literally took me fifty minutes for me to process the length of that comment and the little things that she added to her favorite scenes. i was smiling like my teeth were gonna fall off if i wasn't. the last time she left a long ass comment was on nectar and i had to physically hold myself from flying to nevada and giving her a big hug. and this one made me want to give her my firstborn.
anyways, let me get into yesi's little questions and thoughts in the comment :D
firstly, i love this title so much?! this is literally one of my favorite words and meanings ever. AND THEN THE PAIRINGS TAGGED, head in hands… 99z pairings have my entire heart, you already know that. i am ready for heartbreak and pain.
the fact that the entire 99 line weren't even going to make it here in the first place 😷 BUT I'M GLAD IT WORKED OUT LIKE THIS! also kintsukuroi was a title that i came up with literally after one hour of playlist hunting. i remembered droeloe's kintsugi and thought about it for a while before deciding that it fits the overall theme.
and lucas describing his date to mark not knowing that mark saw it all?! WTF?! this is legit pain. and then lucas saying much more than mark asked for…. this is literally already killing me, i felt my chest ache at i feel this is destined, you know? AND THE … LUCAS PULLING HIM CLOSER DURING THE HUG, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SICK (in the best way! i’m having a great time!)
funny you mentioned the same line as a lot of others. it's so funny to me that i didn't even think much of the line where yukhei pulls mark closer to him while they hug when i wrote it. i didn't even change it through the second draft and literally forgot its existence until shae (ao3 user pcwhynot) pointed it out to me and asked me whether yukhei also likes mark. i was like ??? tf 😭
louis is always such a character, what a great cat. BUT MARK TAKING THE ROLE OF THE OTHER CAT PARENT…. Head in hands, the domesticity of it all (sorry renjun) i think that this is precious. but then lucas coming in and idk something about him saying the cat we adopted even though it isn’t what lucas means… and mark coaxing louis out and… was that lucas apologizing to louis while louis was still in mark’s arms?! if it is, i love it. and then the mark feels like he can get used to it... it’s absolutely perfect, oh god.
the domesticity was absolutely my favorite part to write because i didn't have to use a lot of complicated sentences to further the plot. it's how mark tells yukhei to leave the leftovers in the fridge and yukhei waving him off while watching tv like a proper husband T__T and YES, LOUIS MAIN CHARACTER ERA. i know mark is leon biased in real life, but i DO NOT CARE! mark is cat mom and i love that for him. in mark's head, louis is their first baby and nothing or no one can ever compare.
ok let me backtrack. i think that it is very sweet and cute that dejun and lucas adopted and have a cute kid and they sound like the most perfect family, and i love that so much. i’m so in love with the idea of dejun and lucas as parents because they would just be.. So Good in different ways.
yukhei and dejun are doing absolutely great in real life as bella's parents (see: here) and i'm absolutely enamored by their parenting dynamic ALL THE TIME. reminding myself that the wayv family photobook is coming out in a few days has me in shambles. time and time again, they've both demonstrated that yukhei's the carefree parent and dejun's the one that has authority. BUT RECENTLY, dejun has become the mom that always tells you to "go talk to your dad" if you want something lmao. idk i love them so much.
THIS IS SICK (in a good way! i’m still having a great time!) but kunhang really has a point. mark has been here, in the same position, for years and kunhang… it really must hurt him and he’s not even mad at mark. he just wants mark to try? i literally have so many thoughts and cannot find the words to express them all. but mark starting to CRY and going into a spiral of sorts. this is actually painful because kunhang is just such a good man? the i’ve loved you recklessly enough that i want to wait for you is so much and oh my god. i need to scream.
i already talked about this line in the previous section but yes, i iterated twice about how mark has the pressure to make a decision that will only keep hurting him or hurt the both of them together. and eventually, he picks the latter, knowing the consequences. what he doesn't expect is for kunhang to react like that. and i've experienced firsthand that silent disappointment is ALWAYS worse than outright anger.
the dynamic between xiaocas and mark is so.. Interesting, after so many years. i like it. mark does seem like that friend/uncle that just… is not getting it together but it’s difficult to confront him about it, and xiaocas do seem to hesitate.
i think that dejun being the one to actually say that they’re worried for him feels so right, in the way that… of course it would be dejun (but not in a bad way) and the almost insistent way dejun continues with are there any problems with getting married? does kunhang not want kids anymore? we can help you guys, trust me. feels so right because dejun would be seemingly oblivious to the fact that mark is in love with his husband and that being the reason why??? it’s such a key role in stories like these and dejun fits it perfectly, but not in a bad way?
i think that dejun being the one to actually say that they’re worried for him feels so right, in the way that… of course it would be dejun (but not in a bad way) and the almost insistent way dejun continues with are there any problems with getting married? does kunhang not want kids anymore? we can help you guys, trust me. feels so right because dejun would be seemingly oblivious to the fact that mark is in love with his husband and that being the reason why??? it’s such a key role in stories like these and dejun fits it perfectly, but not in a bad way?
dejun is the perfect poor meow meow character in this whole fic. at least, yukhei is blissfully unaware of mark's feelings for him, mark knows his feelings and struggles with coping with the uncertainty of it all, while kunhang is still holding onto his future partner despite his nonsensical love for their friend who is a married man. dejun, however, is a special case because he really feels like he's living a life that mark could also have if only he tried. he genuinely wants to help mark live a better life, and feels guilty that he's living a fulfilling life while mark is still struggling to get his feet on the ground. he doesn't understand why mark simply refuses to try to have a child or be in a relationship so far into his life, and it's so puzzling to him, when the reason is personified in his own husband. another thing that i found interesting in the dialogue is how dejun always refers to the both of them collectively whenever he says that he wants to help mark. again with constants and variables tangent of the fic :D
i also have a lot of thoughts about mark comparing lucas to being a constant and then thinking about his relationship with kunhang… WAIT, this next part!!!
I WANT TO KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE MATH METAPHORS PLEEEEEASE !!!
kintsukuroi is a very fitting title. when you take all of mark’s experiences of simply feeling love and put them together, it changes to him finding love and coming together into something that will be beautiful after enduring so much before. it’s so perfect and you’re a genius.
mark is broken crockery, and his golden lacquer only comes to him during the final two scenes. everything else is simply slow buildup to piecing his broken self together. he's really gone through so much that he forgets that he too has love right under his nose. he searches in the wrong place but finds it right at his home. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!
a song that i listened to a few times while reading was “right where you left me” by taylor swift (of course) and i think that it kinda fits the story, if you squint a little. they were never in a real relationship but like mark is stuck in the same spot of loving lucas for years, just watching lucas build his life, and even though mark knows lucas is happy, it still seemed that mark was hoping for something, because like a cat is mark’s weak attempt at firing off his last weapon to see yukhei shift in his seat in discomfort. however, he observes nothing. up until the very end of that night. IDK MAYBE I AM THINKING TOO MUCH, plz let me know <3
just looked up the lyrics to this song, and can i just say that you're a genius? the lyrics fit so perfectly???
Friends break up, friends get married
Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumors fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me
Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumors fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me
this is SO SO SO perfect, pleeeease T__T
mark being the person unwilling? unable to move on is just so heartwrenching to imagine and that fact that even when he finds a real relationship with kunhang, he’s still holding on to feelings for lucas and kunhang KNOWS marks real feelings but stays with mark for years, waiting for the moment mark is able to let go — the course of mark lee loving an unattainable lucas and then kunhang loving an unattainable mark lee, the and he’s lucky to find this candle burning even through what seemed to be a perpetual hailstorm. of it all. it’s literally insane how much i love this, and you.. You did SO WELL.
you're always so good at cinching the right parts of the fic and i love how you summed up the last parts of the fic with the course of mark lee loving an unattainable lucas and then kunhang loving an unattainable mark lee T__T
thank you, thank you so much for reading it and writing such a long review on what you liked and what you thought of each part :( i owe you one fr! will be waiting for your band fic that will hopefully drop tomorrow, i'm getting my lightstick ready as i speak!
final thoughts ✶
remembered a quote from himym at this time that resonates with the theme of this fic:
"If you're looking for the word that means caring for someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you, it's love! And when you love someone y-you just don't stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy. Even then. Especially then. You— you don't give up because if I could give up... If I could just, you know, take the whole world's advice and— and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love. That would be... That would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for."
— Ted, S9E17
— Ted, S9E17
if you really made through all of this and you loved this fic in any shape or form, thank you from the bottom of my heart! this one is really personal to me and the fact that i put a lot of thought into each of the aspect that makes this fic puts this above any project that i've undertaken so far T__T there are a few parts that i felt that could've been done better since they lacked clarity but nonetheless, i hope to improve by the time i write something as stupid and loveable as this again. thank you!
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Date: 2021-08-01 08:25 am (UTC)i also loved seeing what your personal favorite lines were?! it's always fun to see if there's overlap between the writer's favorite parts vs the reader's favorite parts. when i go back, i'm sure that i'll be able to see everything with new eyes and more meaning.
thank you for your response on my comment <3 i'm happy to see that i did make some actual points and wasn't just saying nonsense the entire time!!! band fic is coming.
we can talk more about everything in dms soon :D