😈 two thousand and twenty two

[carboxyl]

it's been four months since i last updated on here and life has weirdly, not drastically changed. since october, i turned 20, went to an amusement park as a treat, started going to offline uni classes again, did not cope well (as expected), had a heartbreak, put myself through so much ACADEMIC stress, somehow managed to write offline exams after a year and a half, and then packed my bags and went to a hill station in fucking december like a fucking idiot. and now here i am, almost alive, save for my crippling back ache and gastritis, at the beginning of 2022.

happy that i managed to survive through all the weird curveballs that life decided to throw at me in 2021 cough covid especially, where every hour i was awake in mid-april, made me question if me and my family were going to live another day. somehow i made it through That and a bunch of other painful stuff which i think is too personal to be shared out in the open lol. anyways, i have only one goal in 2022 and that is to believe in myself and my abilities some more and to train my brain into being more resilient towards negative schemas about myself. it's been a particularly hard time for me since october (read: aforementioned things) and writing fics was an outlet, no matter how trivial because the engagement and validation kept me going. after the writer's block, there's been the constant thought of everyone else doing things that will always be better than whatever i will be able to write and that whatever idea or thought i have is not original and is already done. the self-doubt is crippling and i would be lying if i said i haven't cried over this exact thing at least ten times in the past three months. so ... i want myself to appreciate whatever my talents are just a little more and to believe in whatever work i create. hopefully i will be able to pull myself out of the ditch that is writer's block and be able to publish my first fic in the enha fandom !!! that would be awesome, rly.

and !!! and this year, i start my first job around june! it's still surreal to me that i landed a job through campus placements and even though it's not directly related to my major (who are we kidding, i was nawt going to get a job with a journalism degree plz) i'm still excited for where this is going to take me. my company seems like a nice place with a great work culture so i'm super stoked to see how this is going to map out for me. YA GORL IS GETTIN DA BAG AYY 🤑💸💰

that's all for now! i'm sure this year is going to mostly just be a continuation of 2021, but man. let me be blindly optimistic for once, i think i deserve that much. informal thank u to anyone and everyone who managed to occupy my mind at least once in 2021, u have a piece of my heart with you, always. wishing all of you a healthy and productive year 🍀